Macavity's Alive
by Phoenix Borealis
Summary: Jellylorum has been haunted for years by the memory of her dead son, Macavity. How will she ever find peace?


It had been over sixteen years since Macavity had finally been vanquished by the Jellicles, but even though he was dead to most of them, he was all too real for his mother, Jellylorum. She stood out in the junkyard clearing by the old, rusty black car, bathed in the pale moonlight. Her back was sore and her eyes tired. It really was amazing that the old calico queen was still living. She had outlived many of her generation; Grizabella, Gus, even Jennyannydots had passed away fairly recently. But even as old as she was, she remembered everything about her most infamous son. She could never forget the day he came into this world. She closed her eyes and let her mind travel back in time. Such promise was in him. Such promise...

_They all stood around her as a family, waiting for the new kitten to come with such excitement. Deuteronomy held onto Jelly's paw firmly, not even minding that she was squeezing bruises into it. "Come on, Jelly, push!" he encouraged. Jelly threw her head back and let out a blood-curdling wail as the massive kitten made its way into the world, caught by Griddlebone, one of Jellylorum's fellow healers, and her closest friend._

_"It's a boy!" Griddlebone proclaimed, holding the scarlet-striped miracle up like he was a precious jewel to be displayed for eons to come._

_"Let me see him," Jelly reached out. "Let me see my little Macavity." Deuteronomy and Jelly had already decided on Macavity for a tom and Bombalurina for a queen. No cat fit the name Macavity more than the small, wet, mewling, perfect little kit in her arms._

Jellylorum sighed as a tear fell from her face. How did things go so horribly wrong? When did Cavy transition from that rowdy, playful little scamp to a cold-blooded killer? And whats more, why wouldn't he leave her alone? "Mother..." a familiar, haunting voice sounded in her ear.

"No!" she snapped. "Go away!"

"Mother..." the voice repeated, barely more than a whisper. Jelly knew he could speak. He just liked to torture her. She was the only one who could hear him. She always figured this was her punishment for killing her own son. It was she who struck the final blow in the Awful Battle of Macavity and the Jellicles. She didn't even think about it; she just-

"-Murdered me," it hissed. Jelly whipped her head around to see her son, perfectly alive and healthy, leaning against the license plate of the old car, where he stood when she slashed his life away.

"You murdered yourself!" she shouted, ears flat against her dusty old skull. "Cavy, you used to be so good. You used to protect your brothers and sisters. You used to help us all. You were everything we needed you to be. But now-"

"-Who are you talking to?" Munkustrap asked, coming up and stepping into Macavity.

He disappeared with a final "Murdered me..." leaving only her oldest son, Munkustrap, who was now an elderly grandfather himself, standing in front of her. She opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it shamefully as she knew he already knew the answer to that.

"Mother, you've got to stop blaming yourself for what happened. Macavity was bad. He had to go. If it wasn't you, it would have been someone else. Please mother..." He took her paws in his and tried to help quiet her fears. Softly, he sang to her...

_He's not here._

"Mother..." He paused, trying to let the message sink in.

_He's not here.  
>Mom, I know you know.<em>

She shook her head.

_Do you feel he's still real?  
>Mom, it's just not so.<em>

He squeezed her paws, love and worry in his eyes.

_Why is it you still believe?_

He turned away to look up at the moon. She came up beside him, watching his face.

_Do you dream or do you grieve?_

He turned back to her, eyes pleading. He took her paws again.

_You've got to let him go.  
>He's been dead sixteen years.<em>

_No, mother, he's not here..._

He kissed her forehead, setting her paws down. He walked away, a single tear rolling down his face, knowing that no matter what he said, she'd always see Macavity. She'd been seeing Macavity for all of his kits' lives. He rubbed his arm as the bitter cold took him away.

"You're wrong," she whispered tearfully as he walked away.

"How touching," Macavity's voice mocked from behind her, making her jump and spin.

"Macavity...H-he's right." She said unconvincingly. "You're not real." The terrifying tom chuckled, exposing his massive canines.

"You know you don't believe that, mother." He jumped up on the hood of the car, rolling his neck and stretching his shoulders. "I've been here for far too long to be mere hallucination." He sat down and leaned back against the windshield, crossing his legs. "Everybody has grown old and weak. My countless nieces and nephews roam the junkyard having kits of their own, the new generations moving in and the old dying off like dear father may he rest in peace." He spat defiantly. "But I didn't get that chance. I died young. But you know what the advantage to that is?" He smirked. "I've stayed young. And vibrant." He brandished a claw at her. "And dangerous."

"You can't hurt me!" She retorted. "You've been around for sixteen years-" He smirked at the acknowledgment-"and you haven't caused a scratch! You're _not real!_" He jumped down in front of her, causing her to fall over. She hissed as intense pain shot through her hip. He got down to eye level with her, eyes burning. Deliberately, he reached out and dragged four sharp talons down the license plate of the car. Sparks flew out in every direction.

"Oh I'm very real." She gasped as she stared into the four deep canyons left on the metal license plate. He stood up, towering over her. "And I'm very, _very, _dangerous..." He jumped up on the very top of the car and looked down at her, the moon darkening his blood red coat. Then he started to sing a song of his own.

_I am what you want me to be.  
>And I'm your worst fear, you'll find it in me.<em>

He slid down the windshield on his belly, coming up on his feet like a snake.

_Come closer.  
>Come closer.<em>

He jumped down and walked around her.

_I am more than memory, I am what might be.  
>I am mystery.<em>

He stopped in front of her and looked into her eyes, his own still blazing.

_You know me.  
>So show me.<em>

He walked toward the moon, looking up.

_When I appear it's not so clear if-_

He turned to her, paws out.

_-I'm a simple spirit or I'm flesh and blood._

He ran back to the car and jumped on top.

_But I'm alive, I'm alive, I am so alive!_

He crouched, looking down at her like he was ready to spring.

_And I feed on the fear that's behind your eyes._

He slid down the windshield on his back, hands behind his head.

_And I need you to need me, it's no surprise.  
>I'm alive.<em>

He rolled on his stomach.

_So alive.  
>I'm alive. <em>

He leaped from the hood and jumped onto a large metal frame, putting his feet against it and hanging from the side with one paw.

_I am flame and I am fire.  
>I am destruction, decay, and desire.<em>

He stared sliding down.

_I'll hurt you._

He swung around, reaching the bottom, and walked toward her.

_I'll heal you._

_I'm your wish, your dream come true._

He got to her and walked a few more steps, making her back up.

_And I am your darkest nightmare too.  
>I've shown you.<em>

He flashed his teeth.

_I own you._

He turned and walked a few steps. Jelly followed him, not sure why.

_And though you made me, you can't change me._

He spun around, making her jump.

_I'm the perfect stranger who knows you too well._

He ran toward her and flung his hands out, claws coming to within an inch of her face.

_But I'm alive!_

He spun around, long red headfur blowing all around him, with his claws in the air.

_I'm alive I am so alive!_

He stopped and reached out a paw for her.

_And I'll tell you the truth if you let me try._

Without thinking she took it, feeling him spin her in.

_You're alive, I'm alive, and I'll show you why,_

He spun her out again. Her stomach twisted, making her feel slightly sick.

_I'm alive, so alive._

He reached his paws up, and a cold night wind started to blow around him.

_I'm alive!_

The wind whipped Jelly's headfur as she watched him come toward her.

_I'm right behind you._

He took her paws.

_You say forget but I'll remind you._

She looked into his eyes and saw something new that she's never seen before; a kind of sadness that up until now had been hidden. A tear came to her eye as she realized that he actually does need her, whether he is real or not.

_You can try to hide but you know that I will find you.  
>'Cause if you won't grieve me,<em>

He turned away from her and started to walk away.

_You won't leave me behind._

She followed him, a few steps behind.

_Oh, how, oh.  
>Woah.<br>Woah.  
>No, no, no.<br>I'm alive, I'm alive, I am so alive!_

He turned back to her offering her his paw again.

_If you climb on my back then we both can fly._

She took it and felt him pull, inviting her to run with him. They raced through the junkyard. Jelly felt more connected to her son then than she had ever felt since the day he was born.

_If you try to deny me, I'll never die!_

He twirled around mid stride, making her smile.

_I'm alive, so alive!  
>I'm alive!<br>Yeah yeah!_

He reached for the sky.

_I'm alive!  
>I'm alive!<br>I'm alive!  
>I'm alive!<em>

He stopped and turned back to her. Even when he was a kit, she always had the feeling that he was trying to prove himself in everything he did, but the only time he was ever noticed was when he did something wrong. Not once did she ever hug him for defending his siblings or even letting the last rat go to someone else. This was all her fault.

"Cavy..." she panted, out of breath. "I had no idea...For so many," she gasped and put a paw over her chest. "For so many years I've lived in fear of you. I thought you'd wanted to kill us all. But now I see your reasons...Cavy, you never had to do anything great or terrible to get anyone to love you. I've always loved you..."

Macavity closed his eyes and sighed as if the whole world had been lifted off his shoulders at once. He walked toward her and lifted her paw to his face. "You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that." Slowly, he sank to her feet, crying into her fur. She couldn't ever remember him crying in life. Not even when he got hurt. She put her paw behind his head. "I'm so sorry," he whispered into her fur, also for the first time.

"It's okay, Cavy," she soothed, scratching his headfur. She knelt down to where they were at eye level. "It's okay..." She hugged him close, laying his head on her chest. He hugged her around her waist, still crying softly.

They faded away together, and when Munkustrap discovered her the next morning, what he saw was something he had not seen in her eyes for sixteen years: Peace.


End file.
